This is a guest post by my friend Christian Jensen:
From the moment I started college, I was optimistic for a fresh start. In High School, my primary focus was on athletics. I experienced success in football and track and field and had a desire to continue exploring my potential. Academics on the other hand was an area I certainly did not apply myself. There was something about the college environment where everything started over and one could build new relationships, set new expectations, develop new habits and build a new future.
So I committed to applying myself in levels I had never done before. In track and field, I was producing good numbers but knew if I wanted to be the best I would have to work my butt off in training. I would have to be in the gym, studying film, in the ring more than anyone else. I was motivated not by the competition of others but with myself. What is the best I can be?
After 4 years of school at UW Oshkosh, I was certain where my future was heading. This young kid who once needed a math tutor just to be able to play sports in high school was on the Dean’s list in college. In track and field, I was a three time All American and National Champion in 2003 in the Discus throw. I had accomplished my goals. I became fiercely competitive with myself. But...something was missing.
In the summer after my fourth year of college, I moved back home with my family in Lake Geneva. I have so many fond memories of my home life as a young person. We have a large family and my parents loved to entertain. Every week, we had family and friends over to swim in the pool, play sports in the yard or just to hang out. Being that we loved to entertain, my father wanted to make our home the best. We had all the toys! Trampoline, go-cart, pool table, pinball machine, etc. We even finished off our basement and basically turned it into an entertainment space for our guests.
One morning, my mother was packing her bags to go for a short road trip. I was helping her move some items she needed for the trip from our basement to her car. While outside, loading the vehicle my mother said to me "do you smell that?" Pausing for a moment to examine the air..."yeah, it smells like smoke." Mom looked toward the house and yelled "FIRE!" Out of the front door a thick, dark smoke was pouring out. I ran in the house to examine the situation while my mom stayed outside and called 911. The smoke was coming from the basement where we just were. I ran down the stairs as the smoke was coming up. When I reached the bottom level, it was much darker and harder to breathe due to the thickness of the smoke. I could tell the smoke was coming from the part of the basement were we had storage so I opened the door. What I saw next will forever be burned into my memory. It was one of those moments when time stood still. Yellow and orange flames completely engulfed this part of the basement. The beams holding the main level above the basement, Christmas ornaments, the toys I played with as a kid, clothes we were storing and a stove that we used when we had large parties. What lasted just a few seconds seemed like minutes as I watched these flames erase memories from my past. In this moment, I knew I would not be able to stop the fire. But I would do everything I could. 3 fire extinguishers, our garden hose, milk, baking powder, etc. I was running out of options. The heat from the fire filled and emanated from the house. It was so hot that I had to cover myself as the skin on my arms and face were hurting from being inside. I was getting desperate. I grabbed a gallon of milk and ran down the stairs in one last attempt to control the flames. I blindly threw the container in the the fog of smoke as the heat was preventing me from getting any closer or see where I was going. It was pitch dark. I could hear our fire alarms going off, the sound of burning wood crackling and my mother calling my name to get out. I started climbing the stairs back up. I was getting dizzy from the smoke inhalation and my vision was blacking out. I knew I couldn't stay any longer. My mother and I held each other in our front yard as we watch the smoke and flames build and slowly erase our past.
The next day, I woke up in a hotel, took a third shower to try and remove the smoke smell from my hair and threw on some new clothes we bought from Walmart. Everything in the house was a loss. If not consumed by the fire, it was damaged by the smoke or fire hoses. Having breakfast with our family and some friends who came over to support us, I found a letter that came to me from the school of education at UW Oshkosh (UWO). The education program at UWO was very competitive and difficult to get into. Although I had a declared major I still had to get into the school of education to complete my degree. "Thank you for applying for the school of education at UWO. Although you are a highly qualified candidate, we regret to inform you that your application was denied." At this moment, I thought to myself..."I'm homeless and I have no idea what my future holds for me"
After all the dealings with the insurance company, we decided to rebuild on the original foundation of our new hope. Demolition crews came and tore down the remaining structure of the home and the next week the rebuild began. I felt ownership over being part of the rebuild process. My father died of cancer when I was 15 and ever since, I felt like I was the "man of the house." I felt it was my responsibility to look after our family and care for them. So, that summer I became a "meat head" member of a small construction crew owned by a local family. Bill, the father and Sam the son took me under their wing to train me. I mainly did things that were physical in nature and required low skill, hence the "meat head" title. But, they were always looking to teach me. I respected the family. They were men of great faith and values. After my father died, I had a change of view in my faith and became an atheist. I couldn't accept that there as a God out there who wanted the best for us but could allow so many bad things happen to good people like my father. Still, I respected the family because I believed in hard work, achievement and personal growth. These were the commandments of my own religion!
Over the summer months, I developed a relationship with Bill and Sam. We talked often about our viewpoints in life, values and beliefs. One day on our way to get more lumber from Home Depot, Bill pulled the car over in the parking lot, pulled out his King James Bible and shared some of his personal story with me. The struggles he went through in life with addiction and how he needed God to change his heart. Bill saw spiritual turmoil inside of me brewing. He saw himself years ago. He took 5 minutes to do something that he had no idea how it was going to be received. Bill invited me to know and accept Jesus Christ into my life. I am a very strong willed (aka stubborn) individual. I told Bill I was honored he would share his faith story with me and invite me to join him but I told him I was "fine' with my beliefs. Bill respected my position and said if I ever needed to talk about anything, he would be there. Above anything else, I was so honored Bill took this time to speak to me from his heart. It's something so rare in this world and especially rare among men.
After much thought, I decided to make some changes to my college direction. I felt a desire to work with people on their health and wellness. I've always had a passion for coaching and helping people reach their potential. I had a degree in history education but after not being admitted to the school of education, I kept the history part but removed education. I added exercise science and health promotion as a major and also a minor strength and conditioning. At this point I was a double major and double minor. This change meant I was in for the long haul!
I started year 5 of my college career. At this point, all of the friends I developed had graduated and moving on with life. I rented an apartment for myself. I buried myself deeper into my studies than ever before. I had high credit loads, took on a coaching position at a local school and started to do something I truly hated...running! See as a discus thrower, you despise anything long and drawn out without a high level of intensity. Each throw of the discus lasted a few seconds and when you add up the total time of competition in a track meet for a thrower it equals less than a minute. Why run? Two reasons. First, I wanted to be fit physically. Being a retired thrower is kind of like a football lineman. You either change your health habits and become healthier or you gain weight and become less healthy! Second, under the surface my heart was unsettled. I was struggling with the emotions I was asking myself. "What am I doing with my life?" "Will I make it?" "Why am I here?" "What is my purpose?" Running gave me a chance to quiet my mind and explore my heart. I remember my first run. I didn't have any expensive running shoes. After the fire, our clothing purchases were focused on essentials. The first pair of shoes I purchased were white Velcro sneakers. The kind that your grandfather wears golfing or to workout out in the back yard. So, one night late after studying I strapped up my Velcro and hit the street. I picked a 1-mile route. This is the furthest I'd ever run. The night was pitch dark in a neighborhood that had no lights, only lots of trees and a ton of rolling hills. Off I went a little nervous of the long journey ahead! In the darkness, I could barely see the road. I could feel the air coming in and out of my lungs and I could hear my footsteps and breath rate. Not long after running I got into a groove where these three sounds seemed to work in sync and my head cleared. It was an amazing run which took about 15 minutes. Definitely not a respectable time by any means. When I finished, my head was clear and my heart was open. I feel to my knees and wept. This was the beginning.
While I felt clear and content spiritually during my runs, I found that this clarity opened the way for deeper feelings. This year of college was the most difficult emotionally. It was marked with so many moments of clarity but also deeper struggles. I became very good at hiding my emotions. On the surface I was a proud, high performing, self-respecting young adult who got exceptional grades, was very physically fit and focused on my path. Underneath, my heart was dying. The emotions were stirring. I was experiencing severe depression which lasted for months and then years. When someone lives life where their heart is in constant state of hurt, they will find anything, even if it makes them feel better for a short time. A band aid is a first priority. For me, food became my band aid. The chemical release of endorphins you get from eating has been shown to closely mimic drugs, alcohol, exercise and sex. In secret I used food to fill a void. I would binge eat massive amounts in secret in my apartment by myself. I would do this night after night. I would find myself waking up on the bathroom floor, cheeks crusty from tears with my body and mind paying the toll. Each day I woke up promising myself I wouldn't do it again. I took a shower, put on my running shoes and painfully worked out the poison I put in my body and heart. This lasted for years and only got worse.
Then I met Tiffany. A girl who worked at a coffee shop who had a heart that I can only describe as "grace". Being around Tiffany instantly made me feel better. I became a coffee person just to stalk her at the shop she worked at. I would go and "study" at the coffee shop during the day only to peek over my books and to have a passing conversation. Turns out, she was noticing me to and eventually I wrangled up the courage to ask her out! On our first date, we went to a local park to have a picnic and go for a walk. We began talking and getting to know each other and the first thing Tiffany asked me was "what's your viewpoint on God?" I was open about my atheism beliefs. She respectfully listened to my position but also challenged me. I could tell she genuinely cared. Cautiously, Tiffany continued to date me. Her values told her to be careful as she was very strong about her faith beliefs and wanted to be with someone who shared these beliefs. But, something told her to continue on. We had long conversations about God, the universe, good vs. evil and all things spiritual. I viewed the conversations intriguing while Tiffany was chipping away at my heart. We dated for a few months and eventually that winter came home to visit my family for Christmas. On the way home, Tiffany asked me how I was doing with my faith journey. I told her that I was ready. My heart was longing more than ever. I spent many nights crying for help and I no longer wanted a band aid. I wanted peace, forgiveness, love and a sense of purpose. Tiffany said "are you ready?" "Ready for what?" I replied. Are you ready to accept Jesus as your savior? Without a moment's hesitation I said "YES!" "Ok, then pray this prayer out loud." "Ok, here goes..." Nothing came out of my mouth. The instant I tried to speak, my throat swelled, I began to sweat, shake and cry. I didn't know what to do. Tiffany was getting worried too! Eventually, I stopped the car not feeling like I could safely drive. I pulled off the highway, got out, feel to my needs, looked up at the stars in the sky and cried like I never had before. Then, I prayed and felt a level of peace I never have before. For the first time, I felt what true forgiveness and love was. I had felt Jesus Christ in my heart.
Sometimes we choose our direction in life. Sometimes the direction chooses us. It is essential that we intentionally plan how to impact other people's lives but also understand that some of the biggest opportunities are ones that come to us. Don't be too focused on the road ahead that you miss all the beauty that's around you. God will put these steps in your path as people, situations and thoughts. Sometimes these are painful situations. Sometimes they are joyful. Sometimes they are so clear but most of the time they are subtle. God will not force you to make this choice. He will give you glimpses of hope and then an opportunity to step in faith. Why does he do this? Because God craves a relationship with us. A relationship that can only be strong through faith. In just 5 minutes, God used Tiffany and Bill to challenge my faith. They listened and acted not because it was easy, but because it was hard. What opportunities come your way to grow from others? What opportunities come your way to help others grow? I pray that you have your ears open to these opportunities and don't pass them by.
Fire. It makes everything new.
If you have a story about how five minutes changed your life that you would like to share, email adam.lofquist@gmail.com
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