There is something that you need to know.

As I turned 29 I was flooded with birthday love and one message that kept coming across was that I was a source of inspiration for many people, while I appreciate the kind words, I think many times it is lost on people that I am no different than all the rest of the world. I am just one person who decided to take some chances, have some fun and live outside of my comfort zone.

Why I bring this up is that overall I see an issue and a mental barrier to those that we look to for inspiration. The problems is that we see those people at a different level than us, we see all the great things that they are doing and how “perfect” of a life they lead. When we start to see them in that light, we lose faith that we too can be that great and that we can be just as inspiring. We lose faith because we start to think of all the times we have failed and all of the “flaws” we have, so I want to share my story.

Here is the truth. I am stubborn, rude, mean and at times arrogant. I have failed more times than I can count. I am at times afraid, negative and dislike the world. I struggle and my life and my choices are nowhere near perfect. In fact many times in my life, I have had no idea where I was headed or what I would be doing. Far too often I let my anger run my how I think, feel and act. I am at times very unworthy of all the praise and compliments I receive. This is not me feeling bad about myself, it is just the truth.

We look at everything that is wrong with us and we see them as barriers to us being successful. We see them as things we need to hide, dirty little secrets that we cannot share, because who could possibly be worse than us? The voice inside our head, tells us that if we tell anyone these secrets we will become a fraud and unloved.

The truth is it is because of these things not in spite of them that our story can become so great, so powerful and so inspiring. These are the characteristics that we must overcome to become the best version of ourselves. It would be absurdly easy to live a perfect life, where nothing went wrong and you always got your way but it would be an uninspiring one. There would be no story, there would be no hope and there would be no greatness within you.

To me it seems that many times when we talk about accepting ourselves and loving ourselves, we only choose to love and accept the good parts. While I know everyone has an amazing gift and should celebrate how great they are, this type of thinking is flawed. It is flawed because it makes us hide and not love who we really are, with this thinking we only love ourselves when we are perfect and yet we never are.

The choice to embrace and accept our flaws is when we are truly set free, it is then and only then that we can deal with these issues and work on them. If we constantly ignore them, they will not go away but they will become bigger and bigger and take more control over your life.

I want everyone to realize how great they already are and that they need to share it with the world. It is easy for us to talk about all the good times but what really shapes us and creates us for who we are today is the times that we have struggled and where we fell short. We need to start talking about these times more often. We should stop being afraid to admit that we are not perfect, that we struggle and that we are normal with extraordinary gifts.  When we choose to no longer be afraid that is when we truly can be inspiring and embrace how great we truly are.

People

When I lived in Green Bay, there was a gym I used to go to and every once in a while I would be working out next to two people. I can remember a majority of what their conversations were about, I was interested not because it was inspiring but because it scared me. It seemed that all they would talk about is how much their kids have been disappointing them, what their kids have done wrong and ironically why their kids never seemed to want to spend time with them (hard to believe that someone who puts you down, is not on your list of favorite people). This brings me to the topic of the post, surround yourself with people who will bring you up, not put you down.

In my life I have been lucky enough to have the vast majority of people in my life support everything that I do, so vast in fact that I cannot even name one person off the top of my head that has ever told me I cannot do something and I cannot tell you how much that means to me. Many times in my life a friend of a friend has helped me out without really knowing me and yet they invested in me.  I know that all of the support has made a huge difference in everything that I have done and will continue to do. Take time to find the people in your life that have constantly supported you and thank them. One of the best ways you can thank them is by not only supporting them but supporting other people as well.

If you can’t help someone, then do not spend any time bringing them down. When you feel the need to point out what is wrong with someone, my suggestion would be to find what you can improve in yourself. You will never get better by pointing out what is wrong with everyone else and ignoring where you can improve.  Do not spend any time with the people that bring you down or tell you that you are not good enough. It is not you that they do not believe in, but rather they do not believe how great they can be, so instead they focus on other people. As much as it sucks to get rid of these people, you need to do it to go further faster. You can always reach your full potential but it is better to not have someone weighing you down, that could be lifting you up.

As important as it is to keep the right people in your life and get rid of the wrong ones, the most important thing and the biggest success factor is how much you believe in yourself. If you do not believe in yourself no matter how much anyone else does, it will not matter and if you believe in yourself and no matter how much someone tries to bring you down, it will never happen because you know better.

Most importantly one of the things that you need to remember is that you matter, and that you are enough. I know this may sound cheesy and cliché but it is the truth. It is my belief that many people put this idea down simply because they do not believe in themselves and are afraid of how great they could be. They see all of their insecurities and everything that they have done wrong and they believe that it defines them. They surround themselves with people who do not support them but bring them down and it is a never ending battle to fight trying to prove that you are good enough until you believe it yourself.

Forgive but don’t forget

Forgive but don’t forget

There is a difference between forgiveness and forgetting. One is a powerful tool that will set you free and open your future. The other is a truck that will blindside you if you do not pay attention.

In my journey I have gotten the two mixed up far too often. I forget what happened but refuse to forgive those involved, including and probably most often myself. Looking back I have noticed that it does nothing for me, I forget the cause of the problem and what should have been done and just focus on the people, looking for what they did wrong. When in reality I should forgive those involved, because 99% of the time they did it with their best intentions, and I am willing to be trick by the 1% to see the awesome power the 99% has.

When I forget what happened, I forget to learn the lesson that came along with it, most likely the reason why it happened. The lesson sits on the side of the road as I run pass it chasing those who “did wrong”. As Pat Hopkins of Imaginasium writes in a blog post “It’s about the Experience, Stupid”, I have far to often forgotten to realize the awesome potential the experience will teach me if I take a minute to learn from it and remember it.

A failure is not the end; it is a fork in the road. It is a point in time where you can realign, regroup and look at what is a head.

I will start to look for the opportunity, experience and lesson from each step in my life. I will start to forgive and love people for who they are and the talent they bring, I will be set free. I will not forget the lesson I have been taught making them propel me forward, not hold me back.

Here is to forgiveness, an awesome virtue that far too often I have forgotten. Let’s remember is all about the experience.

Lifes Little Lessons

Let me tell you about my day. To begin I woke up late, yes my own fault. I get out to my spot and it is blocked by a company van that is repairing bricks at our complex. My first thought is “Hey why in the world would you park in front of a garage at 8:00, seems really silly to me.” I find the guy and have him move the van so I can get out. I pull out and get on the main street, stuck behind a school bus SERENITY NOW! I finally get to work. Everything is fine until I pack up for lunch. I spill my water bottle all over my desk. The cap was not on (yes I am a winner). So now I am angry I am mad, at what, life.

Now why do I tell you this? For one looking back at it I find it so funny that I got upset and that all this happened and guess what I am still alive. Stuff so small gets in our ways everyday, because we let it.

The final point I want to make is what happened at lunch. I went to get Chinese, as usual after eating I got a fortune cookie. I open it and my message reads “windows of opportunity rarely open themselves”. IT HIT ME. There are so many times in life and in business where we are looking for the opportunity to come smashing through a window and hit us in the head. However we forget to realize that every moment is an opportunity to learn. Lets just review my few key opportunities I saw as a reason to be mad.

1) Waking up late: I need to plan better, I should not rely on a machine to tell me when something needs to be done. Think of how disrespectful that truly is to the people you love.
2) The Van: How many times have you thought about what you want? What good does it do you? Not a whole lot in the long run. One of my keys to happiness is to help others get where they want to go. I will not be a van blocking the way
3) School Bus: I should really have another route. How many times have you gone into life and business with a set plan with no other alternatives? It is a sure to be a failure (an epic one at that?)
4) The water bottle: How many times have you taken on a project without really knowing what is going on to the point where it could destroy everything? Why do we do this? I agree there needs to be some adventure however if you are not secure (like the cap) do not take the opportunity

Thanks have a great night!